Simple steps to a proper hug

Written By Gary Spirer Published January 13th, 2010

The other night, I watched an inspirational film The Blind Side starring Sandra Bullock which brought up the concept of a Proper Hug.

What is a proper hug? Is there such a thing?

To achieve a Proper Hug:

Step 1:  Define it.

A Proper Hug is one exchanged by two or more people purely out of love.

Step 2:  How to give it.

It does not matter. The hug(s) rest upon the notion that two or more people embrace for no other reason than love.

Step 3:  How do you earn a Proper Hug?

You don’t earn it. You don’t feel it. It’s like the TAO. It’s beyond words or  descriptions. It is all that is good about the universe.

Step 4: How to you prepare to achieve a Proper Hug?

You awaken to the fact that you are not about titles, money, things or achievements.

You accept and become you – warts and all. You do not seek to avoid the pain and suffering that you encounter when you realize you are not what you truly wanted to be.

You do not recoil from others out of shame for who you really are.

Nor do you allow yourself to wallow in self pity or victimization or guilt.

Nor do you distract yourself from life by seeking addictions – work, sex, alcohol, smoking, drugs…

Step 5: You surrender to win.

At some point, you muster up the courage to surrender to life.

You admit you don’t know where you came from and where positively you are going.

You acknowledge that most of life is superficial – an illusion (Maya) – and that much of your efforts amount to little if they did not better another person’s life.

You just give in to the flow and enjoy the ride on the waves and the currents.

You have the temerity to say this is who I am and this is what my calling is and go for it no matter what.

Step 6: You picture the end and work backwards.

Time passes quickly. In youth, you think life will go on forever. You are a time profligate.

And then it may strike in observing your looks or movements or thoughts that “April is the cruelest month,” as T.S. Eliot stated.

Spring is no longer so endearing as you see yourself in the sunlight.

Your shadow grows longer.

You start to peek over your shoulder and wonder what you will have accomplished when the music stops.

Step 7:  Embrace Your Time.

You come to the realization that its not so crazy to make up a bucket list like in the Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman movie.

What do I want to do before I kick the bucket?

And you start to think of all the things you could do.

You make up your list.

Time becomes more insistent if you let time be the arbiter of your life.

But, does time rule?

Step 8: Look to Being to Achieve Your Doing.

You see, it’s not just doing.

It’s Being – from those that die before their born to those that live out lives to over 100.

To be or not to be is what Shakespeare famously said.

Do you give it your all to be you and live life to the fullest? Or, do you quit on life and yourself?

In the end, it is not how many deals you made or things you amassed.

It’s truly about how many Proper Hug you gave and received.

My Mom always encouraged me when I gave her a lukewarm hug, “Hey that’s not a hug,” she said.

She meant a Proper Hug.

Something in me did not feel it then. It took many years for my Mom and I to have a Proper Hug.

Today, my Mom is going on 87.

I give her Proper Hugs – on the phone and in person.

It got me wondering how many of us live our whole lives in search of Proper Hugs.

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2 Comments

  1. casino says:

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